We pray to our smartphones,
Bending necks towards our tech:
“Our Father, who art in Windows Seven,
Hallowed be Thy Name.
Forgive us our drunken text messages
As we forgive those exes
Who send drunken text messages against us.
Lead us not into offline conversation
But deliver us from hanging out with people.
Let us only chat through apps,
And let us speak not in tongues but tweets;
For thine is the kingdom,
The rapidly decreasing battery power,
And the glory:
Forever and ever,