“College”, a poem for Suicide Awareness Day

Sitting in my bedroom refuge, thinking if
I am diligent with penicillin, I can finish this –
Pessimism is a prison not worth living in –
As for the note, yes, I’ve already written it;
Line of apology to each of my relatives:
Got an alcoholic drink to mix with the medicine:
Second year of college, and I feel bleak as anything –
So I reach for a darkness less menacing;
Need a tune to tune out thoughts of my closest:
Music I choose is “Umi Says” by Mos Def…
…In truth, it’s a soothing process
Since this room’s as humid as I feel hopeless;
Peering in the mirror now, looking in my eyes –
It’s a miracle their light has so long survived –
Once they had such intense urgency,
Now all they have is one slow certainty…
Slightly I open my mouth for the dosage;
Take the first pill of lots more, then I close it;
Then I’m not sure; and, as I handle these
Pills, look to mantlepiece where my note’s propped up;
Think of the things I’ll have lost, once
I’ve popped some more; yes, at once I’ll have locked all doors;
Caused bitter choruses of “it’s your fault”;
Left this talent untouched in its vault,
This gift I’d been given so I could deliver warmth:
So I did the right thing, saved me, my writing;
Threw back the door latch, and soon I was charging through
College grounds, to the room of this girl I hardly knew –
There I made my confession:
I nearly said goodbye to a life I was better off getting;
After she’d wept with me, she’d made me promise:
“Not to take way of the coffin, or the comet,
Not to aim to soar through life, or run from it,
But just to buckle up, bust a gut,
Put one foot before another, that’s enough;
Even if the path’s dark as swimming in Guinness, it
Matters not, all that you can do is continue it.”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *